My friend,
Feelings of....
I'm sorry, the words do not come because no words are needed. Release the need to define your process and the need to "become something" will vanish. Your mental body is playing a game with itself, and it will go around and around until you decide to step out of that circle. Release the need to define, label and judge. It has no purpose where you are headed.
You are headed home by the way. Not home, as in a different location. Location does not really exist as you know it. Location exist only by consciousness. Raise your consciousness and your reality will shift. Your location will stay the same though. This location is called everywhen and everywhere. Two places with similar properties, they can't be defined.
This might sound like crazy talk for one heavily grounded in the mental realm, but for those who has raised their awareness to another reality it makes perfect sense. You are becoming non-local. Yes, your body will still be with you, but your consciousness will be your primary vessel from now on.
Your consciousness is not limited to a physical body, it operates on something much more fluid and expansive. It operates on "Creation". Consciousness IS "Creation". Creation exists because of consciousness and this will become very apparent to you.
I dare you to open up that mind of yours and start pondering on who you really are (not ponder as in think, ponder as in invite the knowing). Who are you, Why are you? You are I AM. That is all the definition that is needed. You are so vast that no words can even come close. I AM therefor seems to suit. I AM that I AM. You are what you are. You are not a man or a woman, these are earthly definitions. You are so much more, you are God. You are a part of this Consciousness named God, All that Is.
Do you see that words fall short? Can you accept that your mind also fall short? Your mind is too linear to understand what is going on. Release it. Embrace your grand consciousness instead. Embrace the knower inside you. Embrace that part of yourself that has not changed in all the years you have lived here.
Can you feel that part of yourself. It is the watcher, always in the background, observing Creation, gently guiding you forward. Why not start to listen for this. Unless you are already doing it of course, if so, good for you.
Enough talk for today, the words I am writing are actually bugging me a little. They can't really explain what I am trying to convey. Maybe I should just stop. Yes.
Namaste